If Only
by Ardala91
Summary: He was Fire Lord Sozin. He was the one who had started the war. He was Fire Lord Azulon. He continued the war. He was Iroh, Dragon of the West. He helped to end the war. He was Fire Lord Ozai. He almost won the war. Short miniseries of one-shots.
1. Fire Lord Sozin

If Only

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"_If only. Those must be the saddest two words in the world."_ –Mercedes Lackey

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

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He was Fire Lord Sozin. Father. Husband. Master Firebender. Rule of the Fire Nation for almost eighty years. He was the one who had started the war. He was the one who used the power of the comet to wipe out the Air Nomads. He was responsible for the deaths of hundreds of people. He was a murderer.

Yet he had not always been that way….Once he had been a friend....

Once he had been a loving husband....

Once he had been a _good man_.

It was peculiar, he thought, to think such thoughts as he lay on his deathbed. Only a short while ago he had written his last testimony. His son Azulon, now a grown man, was the only one in the room now. He looked at his son's face. There was nothing but impatience and hate wanted him dead so then he could have the throne. Sozin did not blame him. He had raised him to be that way. And now…now he wished he had done it differently.

…_As I feel my own life dimming, I can't help but think of a time when everything was so much brighter…._

Memories of Roku flashed before his eyes, each like a bittersweet tear…He had been his best friend in the entire world…_"And you let him die," the sinister voice within him taunted, "traitor…" _

At that time, he had thought only of his plan. And the man he had just tried to help against the fury of a volcano…Roku, who had somehow _still _been his friend, even after what had passed between them all those all years ago between them…

He had let him die. Even when Roku had begged him for help…

Sozin winced at the memory. It was power. He had pursued it and in doing so, had lost himself. The young man within him cried in horror from what he had become. He had married for love and Azulon had been born the year he had started the war. She…she could not believe it…

_She lay in the bed, only after having delivered their son a short time before. Golden eyes were heartbroken… "Who are you?" she had asked, "Where is the man I fell in love with?" _

_He had laughed. "Love is weak," he responded coldly, "I realized that long ago." _

_She had said nothing and then had gone with a single breath. _

Regret was like a wave crashing over him now, over and over again. He…he hoped he would see her soon. To tell her how sorry he was. And he hoped to see Roku…Ta Min...

He had taken her husband from her. He wondered if all the people he had destroyed would be there to confront him. Fear also enticed him. Would he be punished for what he had done? He did not know…but he yearned for the possibility that he would find a way to have some sort of forgiveness. It was his entire fault. He had harmed innocents who had never done anything to him. He imagined hundreds of angry voices hurling accusations at him now.

But mostly, he thought of his wife and Roku. He missed them. With tired eyes he looked at his son who he had raised with little love. He had always been focused on the war and had ignored the child when he was young. Azulon had reminded him of his wife.

Azulon hated him all of his young heart. Sozin knew that the influence he had had with Azulon had created a power-hungry man just like he was. He had created himself all over again. "Azulon," he said weakly, "I'm…"

"You're what?" Azulon snarled with anger on his young face, "Sorry? Death has made you weak, father."

"Don't become me," he at last had the energy to say. He was so tired. The room seemed to spin around him, but all he could see was his son's vehement gaze.

Azulon only gave him a cold glare. "I am what you made me," he replied icily, "Father."

Sozin closed his eyes. Another sin he could not repair.

…_It was his fault…_

_He was Fire Lord Sozin._

_Murder. Father. Husband. Friend. _

Sozin let out his last breath while a savage smile spread across Azulon's face. He would be a greater ruler then his father ever was. That much he was sure of. He would make the Fire Nation a true empire!

…_He had been a good man once…_

…_Would they remember that when he came?...._

…_If only…those two singular words tormented him as he went…If only…_

A/N: I posted this before but I made a few changes. There will be at least one more chapter for Azulon. I might do others for his children if encouraged too...(Please review to encourage me!) Thanks for reading.

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	2. Fire Lord Azulon

If Only

Part Two

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

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He was Fire Lord Azulon. Husband. Father. Grandfather. A Master Firebender. He had ruled the Fire Nation for seventy-five years. He was the one who had expanded the empire. He was a feared military leader and had commissioned the Great Gates of Azulon.

He was _better _than his father had ever been. Unlike Sozin, he had ruled with an even mightier fist of iron. Unlike Sozin, he had expanded the empire more than that _man_ would have dreamed of.

Azulon knew himself to be a man that his father could only have envied to be. Azulon had found one weakness in himself throughout the years and that had been his _family_. Of course he had raised his sons to be true royalty of the Fire Nation. But unlike Sozin, he would give that occasional pat on the head or a small smile when they deserved it. That was only when they had done something to please him.

Yet he was a _very _hard man to please. He wanted, nay, demanded perfection. Azulon was that much of a perfection, or at least in his own opinion. When it came to his wife Ilah, he found himself _caring_ for her good opinion. That was why he did not talk to her about the war. Or anything that related to it all. It was better that way. After she died though, the war became his only concern. Before…before it had been _almost_ secondary…

There came a time when his most beloved first born lost his own son _because_ of the war. A thought, however quick and fleeting, had formed that it was _his father's fault_. If the war had not begun, would his prized grandson have lived? Naturally he shoved such thoughts aside. Such things had always crept into the dark recesses of his mind. He was greater than his father. Had he not proved it?

His second son was less loved because of coming into the world second and the fact that he somehow reminded Azulon of his own father. It was something in his manner or his eyes. He did not know and frankly did not care. Than that second son had the foolish daring to suggest that he take his heir's place on the throne!

"_Father, you must have realized as I have, that with Lu Ten gone, Iroh's bloodline has ended. After his son's death, my brother abandoned the siege at Ba-Sing-Se, and who knows when he will return home? But I am here, father, and my children are alive." The less prized son had said. _

"_Say what it is you want," Azulon snapped._

_**"**__Father, revoke Iroh's birthright. I am your humble servant, here to serve you and our nation. Use me." His son prostrated himself on the dark floor. _

_Azulon leaned forward with an accusing finger, __"You dare suggest I betray Iroh? My first born?" The fire roared around him. "Directly after the demise of his only beloved son? I think Iroh has suffered enough. But you, your punishment has scarcely begun!"_

Little did he know that that night would be his last. He did not expect the person who would do the deed of all of people to be _her_. She had reminded him of Ilah of all things. _"I'm sorry," She had said with regretful eyes, "But I have to protect him." _At first he had thought it to refer to the second son, but then he knew it to be his grandson.

And when he laid dying he had thought of the whole incident regretfully. It hit him like the comet named after his father…he had _loved _Iroh better because…because he was a _good _man. Something he could have been but was not. Ozai was like him…and that was why he had not cared for him. _It hurts to see yourself, an exact mirror image…_

Had his father felt that way? He recalled those words, _"Don't become me." _It was strange but he wanted to see him again, now of all times. If he could have laughed he would have for he was going to be seeing him. Very soon in fact.

He had not been the better man, perhaps with Ilah, at times…had he been? Azulon did not know. With Iroh…he need not worry…but Ozai…

_His son and now he was sorry_…

_But it did not matter anymore for he could help that lost boy…._

_If only…_

Azulon's breathing slowed to a halt.

_Ozai…father…_

_...If only..._

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A/N:Thanks for reading and please review. I think to write ones for Iroh, Ozai, and possibly their children.


	3. Lord Iroh

If Only

Part Three

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

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He was General Iroh. Once Crown Prince. Husband. Father. Uncle. Dragon of the West. The Liberator of Ba Sing Se.

He had many regrets, but all in all he had lived a _good_life. Iroh might not consider himself to be a _good_ _man_, but it was that in itself that did make him such. All of his young life he had believed the lies of the Fire Nation and had sought to prove himself to his father. He had been the Crown Prince and therefore the more favored son in his father's eyes. Who was he to have known that it would make his little brother hate him? There was an age difference between them of some years. Iroh had only ever tried to show his brother love, that it did not all have to be about power.

That only made Ozai detest him further. Eventually after years of futile effort…he gave up. Iroh had not known what else to do. It had troubled him to see his little brother lose his way. Ozai had lost himself in his quest for power. Just like their father had.

For the last decade Iron had been the proud owner of the best tea shop in all of Ba Sing Se. It was peculiar to think that once had sought to conquer it for the Fire Nation. Than only to have liberated it years later for the Earth Kingdom.

Ba Sing Se.

It was a place of many memories.

Some good. Some bad.

He remembered the days he had been the general besieging its walls. _Lu Ten…_ His beloved son. His _only _son. Lu Ten had died because of _him_. His son had served under him in the war…to make him proud. To uphold the family honor. To prove himself to his father. That is what he regretted the most out of his life. _His son._

Iroh recalled his wife who had struggled to bring their son into the world. It had been arranged, but he had _loved _her. She had been such a small thing. That was why she had gone out easily like a flame. Just gone…

What a way to treat her gift to him…their treasure…_their son_…

Iroh's thoughts turned to the one other most important person in his life. Words could not truly convey how proud he was of his nephew. He had afraid for him once. Here in Ba Sing Se once, long ago. The lad had made a poor choice and he had feared that….

That the boy would become like his brother.

Like his father.

Hope had held well for him. Zuko was now the Fire Lord and a better one than he could ever have been. Zuko sat beside him now as he lay in his room above the shop. Iroh opened his eyes to look at the expectant eyes of his prized nephew. _His other son in his heart_. "Uncle?"

"It'll be soon," Iroh managed to say. Soon…soon he would be with them. His wife. Lu Ten.

He saw the sadness in Zuko's eyes. "Is there any way to convince you to stay?"

Iroh chuckled, but it came out as a rasping sound. "Proud of you…" He whispered, "I…."

Iroh paused. Would he say that? Most men do not exchange such words. His father had not. His brother never would have.

He was not them. "I love you," Iroh whispered haltingly. Zuko's face was becoming distant and his voice stretched across a wide distance.

"I love you too."

Lord Iroh, Uncle of the Fire Lord, closed his eyes and breathed no more. One last thought had tormented him. Only one. For when he had looked at his nephew's eyes, he had thought of Ursa and her daughter…Azula…

Things could have been different for the both of them.

_If only…._Iroh had thought vaguely.

_If only I had tried to save them…like Lu Ten….If only..._

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A/N:I think to do one for Ozai and call it quits. Thanks for reading and please review!


	4. Fire Lord Ozai

If Only

Part Four

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

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He was Fire Lord Ozai. Brother. Husband. Father. Ruler of the Fire Nation…for only _six_years. Once…he had been a master firebender. Once he had been the Phoenix King.

Now he was nothing but a prisoner. The irony of it was that he was the prisoner of his poor excuse of a son! Perhaps he should have given the fool more credit. It was hard to rant at the idiot when he was the prisoner. If it was the other way around…that boy would not be a prisoner. Ozai knew that at long last his body, which had once been powerful, was now nothing but a frail thing.

He was dying.

For the first time he could remember….he was _afraid_. It was an unfamiliar sensation to have the feeling slither down his spine. He was going to disappear from this world. A thought caressed his dark thoughts, _"Leaving behind what?"_

It echoed.

It screamed.

What was his mark on the world?

Nothing but fear.

Hatred.

A ruined family.

He acknowledged these things for he knew himself to not be a "good" man. Then again, what is it to be a _good _man? His son had imprisoned him with the hope that he could change. What a foolish weakling! "_Banishing me was the best thing you could have done for my life. It put me on the right path; perhaps your time in here can do the same for you."_ His son's voice whispered tauntingly in his mind. That visit was the last time he had seen the boy. He had had no idea of what happened to _her_ after she had been banished. Nor at the time had he cared…who would have when they were going to become Fire Lord? For one of the few times in years, his thoughts centered on her.

A kind smile. A soft touch. The smell of her hair. He imagined her sitting next to him with always that kind, but somehow tragic face smiling at him. Though it had been arranged…he…he had _loved_ in his own way. Had she loved him?

He did not know.

When she had come to him with her "plan" he had been _jealous _of that weak excuse of a son. Who was she to love that boy more than him? All of his life Ozai had sought to be perfection. To be the perfect being for the title of Fire Lord. His own father had hated him! What had he done wrong? How could Azulon have loved Iroh more than him, especially when that man was a cowardly man?! Such thoughts raged and cried in a twisted storm in his thoughts.

_What had he done wrong? _

Ozai recognized a new realization that…he had hated the boy because…because he saw _Iroh _in him. Iroh had been the favorite one, even though he had clearly not deserved it! His favorite, Azula, was just like him. Ozai smiled weakly. No, she was a failure now. He had heard of what had happened to her.

"Ozai?"

He turned his head on his pallet to look at the boy. He was dressed up in all his finery while he only had rags to wear. He almost snarled. "What…what do you want?" He demanded, but his voice came out ragged from the effort.

"You're dying," The fool said, stating the obvious. Still the idiot as always.

Ozai turned his head back away from the boy. He was dying and did not want to have to deal with one of the people he detested most in the world right now. Agni, he'd rather have the Avatar taunting him right now.

"I have a message for you."

Ozai's attention was peaked at those words, but it was getting more difficult to pay attention. His thoughts were becoming more clouded and distant. Random really. Memories of his childhood. A proud moment observing his daughter. The first time he had seen _her_. Her kiss. The first time he held that weak son. So many memories and he was only thinking of the good ones. Not of the ones of his defeat and imprisonment. "She wanted you to know that she cared," The boy continued, "as much as she could anyways." Who was he talking about? Most of the boy's words he had spaced out in the last few moments.

It did not really matter now, he thought bitterly. Ozai ignored the boy as his heart's rhythm started to falter. One pound.

Another slower pound.

As if it were a slowly beating battle drum, each beat becoming further apart. Ozai recalled the days when he had tried once…to be a _good father_. That was in the early days before the true possibility of making the throne his became a reality. He…he did not regret it. That was what he had always told himself. He was Ozai. Better than any of his forefathers, especially Azulon and Iroh!

He had lost something in his quest for power and dominion. Something that held the empty part of his chest unfulfilled. The larger it had become, the more he had thirsted for power. When the hole was at its peak that was when he realized he had lost _everything_. That had been the day when his son had visited him after his shamed defeat.

He would never know now what it was that he had lost. In a way…he wished that he could have known what it was. But he did not forget who he was. Not one moment.

He was Ozai!

Yet he could not help that light tendril of a thought invade his last thoughts. _Could things have been different?..._

_Ursa!...Zuko!...Azula!..._

_If only…._

No, he told himself, he had done what he had needed to! He was Ozai!

_Father's fault…and Iroh's!..._

…_If only…._

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A/N: I think to do one for Zuko and Azula, perhaps even Lu Ten, though that would be the hardest one I think. Thanks for reading and please review!


	5. Prince Lu Ten

If Only

Part Five

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

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He was Prince Lu Ten. Son of the Crown Prince. Nephew. Grandson. Cousin. He was a soldier of the Fire Nation. He was still a young man.

Yet he was dying.

Lu Ten had grown up in a world of protection and grandeur. In the seclusion of the royal city, he had had everything he could have ever wanted. His mother had died to give birth to him and for that his father had treasured him above all else. His father….his father was a _good_ man. Someday he had hoped to be like him. That was why he had come to serve under him in the siege, to prove to him and to himself that he…

That he was brave.

That he was honorable.

That he was good enough to call himself his father's son.

Lu Ten had not fought in the war _because_ of the war. He had done it merely because it was expected. He was still young and not filled with dreams of grandeur. Though his father was the Crown Prince, he knew he would have the throne one day, but that would hopefully not be for years. That was not going to happen now…not with….

He wished he could have known his mother. Yet…that did not matter anymore….

He thought wistfully of his little cousin Zuko. That irksome child had been the closest thing he had ever had to a brother. And Ursa…she had been like his mother. Lu Ten knew his family was messed up and had problems. Those two…they were _good_. Azula….her father….his grandfather…it was all a repetitive cycle that had started down from Fire Lord Sozin. A cruel cycle twisted by power and envy. He had wanted to change that one day.

That did not matter now.

He felt heavy and distant, knowing somehow that his lungs had been crushed by boulder. The heavy sounds of his unit surround him, growing to a distant din in his ears. His father's face filled his vision and he knew he had failed him.

He was too young!

It was not fair!

He…he had not ever had the change to love someone, to marry, and to have children. Lu Ten knew that he had barely touched the world with all of its treasures. Lu Ten had aspired to travel the world like his father had. Even…even to one day become a member of the White Lotus.

No one wants to die.

He did not.

In those last moments, his young thoughts were…

_If only…._

_If only I had been a better fighter…._

_It's not fair!....If only….If only…._

A/N: This one was short and hard to do for Lu Ten's character is not much established. What do you think readers? Well, thanks for reading and please review. I plan to do Zuko and Azula.

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	6. Fire Lord Zuko

If Only

Part Six

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

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He was Fire Lord Zuko. Son. Brother. Nephew. Husband. Father. Master Firebender. Friend of the Avatar. Once he had been very different. Once he would not ever have imagined the path that he had _created_ for himself. Not by anyone else's desires or demands.

This was a time of peace. It was a new world that for many years he had sought to help to create. It was with the help of many others, those unknown to him for the world is quite large, and those he did know, that had created it. Peace can only come by change. By the willingness to try, to understand, and to listen.

His uncle had taught him these things.

The Avatar had done this and had helped him to do the same. Aang was his friend and still quite kicking at the moment. His other friends…Katara….Sokka….Toph….Sukki…

They were all very much alive with their own grandchildren now. Every one of them had become like family to him…

_Family…_

Uncle…Uncle had died many years ago. He missed him all the time; especially when his grandson would do some quirky thing, reminding him of Iroh. Zuko was leaving his throne in the capable hands of his son. He had tried and liked to think that he had been a decent father. His children and grand-children had all entered already to say their tearful goodbyes. He would miss them dearly.

It was his beloved wife who sat next to him now, holding his hand with quiet love. Her narrow golden eyes were strained on him. Pained, but in control. She was always in control of her emotions, even with him. Leftovers from her childhood.

Zuko could not help but to reminiscence over the days of their early romance…of his youth and friendships. Those had been troubled times, but had lead to such a bright life for him.

…_.Family…._

He had not ever found out the truth about his mother. His father had died before Iroh had, refusing even then to tell him what had happened. Zuko had always hoped that his father might be able to change, or even regret. But the man had not. Even at the end.

It….it was Azula who he had spoken of that day. Even in her insanity, fear, and hatred for their father, she had _loved_ the man who had created her into a monster. Zuko had…_hated him_…

Yet when he thought of him now….he felt pity. His father had lost everything for power. Zuko realized that his grandfather and great-grandfather before him must have done something in each turn to make their sons the way they had become. How had uncle avoided such a fate…?

His respect for the man grew intensely with that realization. Zuko thought of Lu Ten for the first time in years. He…he would get to see his cousin again. The only memories he had of him were young childhood memories. Lu Ten had died because of the war.

The war was over.

It had been for years. Yet the scars could still be detected here and there.

He did not regret the life he had led. His past shames and mistakes were long ago and long ago redeemed. Zuko had led a life of healing and love. He could have all that he could have ever wanted.

There were only two things he dared to hope for….

His mother and sister.

His mother, dead or alive, he did not know. There was a vague hope that she would be there to greet him when he left. As for Azula…perhaps she could regain her sanity…

He always had held that futile hope for his baby sister. _It was not her fault! If only…_

Zuko opened his eyes to look at his wife. Mai gave him a pained smile. He smiled slowly in return. It was only her eyes that he could hold onto now. She had been Azula's friend once…

_If only I could have saved her._

His eyes did not close when his grip on her hand fell. The flaxen eyes became nothing but reflections of the flickering torches in the room.

Fire Lord Zuko was dead.

Mai shut his eyes with silent tears.

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A/N: It was rather short, but I hope it is good enough to review? (hint) Thanks for reading and please review. The next one will be the last one and is for Azula.


	7. Princess Azula

If Only

Part Seven

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"_If only. Those must be the saddest two words in the world."_ –Mercedes Lackey

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

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She was Princess Azula. Daughter. Sister. Niece. Master Firebender. She had _almost _been the Fire Lord. She had once been the most prized daughter of Fire Lord Ozai. Once she had been…

Once…she had _been_.

Azula lay in her bed, staring up at the ceiling with unperturbed eyes. She was aware of the fact that she was dying. Old age had come in quietly upon her. The thing was she did not feel her age…she still felt like the fourteen year old princess she had once been. Everything was a blur of the years, with the occasional moments of complete clarity, such as now. The last time she remembered…years ago…her father's death. Yes, that was it, Zuko had come to visit, sharing the news that he would soon die in the prison he had been held in.

She was in a prison.

Not one entirely made of walls.

It was her own mind.

Mostly they were nightmares, varying from childhood fears to more…present defeats…

_Her own brother…_

_She had wanted to __**kill **__him…_

Azula let out a loud cackle. It seemed fitting that he had died before her. Now they would all be there for her….one happy family…Would…would _she_be there? Part of Azula trembled at the thought. _It was not her fault! It was all hers and father's! Not my fault! Not my fault!_

She was supposed to be perfect. Without_ her_, there had only been father. The constant pressure. The constant fear. The constant need to please. As for Zuzu, who was he to be more favored over her? _Why? _Why could she not have loved her? Father did not love. It was only power. He did not understand it, if he ever had. He had rejected such things in his quest to be Fire Lord. She had been the favorite because of her prodigy for firebending.

Once…once that had made sense to her. Things rarely now made sense to her at all. Death has a peculiar way of changing perspectives and thoughts, even in those very last minutes.

She remembered who she was. Who she had been. _What…what she could have been. _Childhood memories…

"_What is wrong with that child?" Her mother murmured as Azula ran from the room. _

"_Azula always lies," Zuko said to himself like a prayer. _

"_My own monster thought I was a monster," She admitted, staring at the fire members. "She was right of course." She added callously._

Azula had been raised in an environment driven by the need to perfect. Feelings, love, such things were weak and for fools. Zuzu had always said she lied. That was true most of the time. The thing was…she did not know she had _lied to herself._ As she had once said to one of her many hallucinations. _"Fear is the only way!"_ Yet there had been another way…

Azula snarled at that thought. Zuzu had taken them from her!

…_Mai and Ty Lee…Even mother…_

_What had she done wrong?_

She had only done what she had been taught to do. It was all Zuzu's fault! And her mother's! The fourteen year old within her let out a wail from her elderly, fragile body. It was not fair!...

_**...WHY?!**_

Azula felt the cry slow her chest. She breathed sluggishly. _Father would be ashamed._

_I hate him…her…and Zuzu…_

_If only…_

_Iroh had…Lu Ten…?..._

_If only…_

_If only…love…_

_

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_A/N: Well, this is it. The last one. I want to thank those of you who have reviewed. Anyhow, thanks for reading and please review, considering this is the last one. :)


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